The thing that bugs us most about toxic people isn’t that they’re toxic. It’s that we’re toxic when we’re with them!

  • In response to their aggression, we become defensive.
  • In reaction to their attempts to control, we get into power struggles.
  • In response to their superiority, we feel inferior.
  • In reaction to their criticisms, we become small.
So, it’s not so much the unhealthy person we want to avoid, it’s the person we become when are with them.
Some of the people we struggle with the most are not those we can so easily get rid of… like family members and old friends.
We might try to improve the dynamic by processing our feelings with them : “When you do this, I feel that…”
Yet that only works with someone who’s actually well enough to care about the impact their behavior has on us.
Most likely, when we have a toxic person in our life, we’re not going to change them.
Does that mean we have to get rid of the person if we ever hope to be healthy ourselves?

Not necessarily!

We must decide to stop giving our power away.
We must refuse to be motivated or manipulated by fear, obligation or guilt in any relationship.
And we must be willing to speak the truth as we understand the truth, and to set boundaries which offer consequences to bad behavior. We must make it a habit to speak the truth because truth has a way of erasing toxicity

For example: “Ah, I see you’re putting me down again! I suppose you feel safer being in the one up position!”

Your reply: “Let’s take a break until you can get a handle on yourself.”

Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Coach. She is committed to helping people quit complaining and become entrepreneurs of their lives. You can download your FREE “I quit complaining” starter kit, Visit her Instagram page and her Facebook page for inspiration and tips to help you fully live the life you CHOOSE!