A survey taken of 6,000 people by scientists in psychology from the German University of Lena demonstrates that to express our emotions is good for our health and our life span according to an article in the French newspaper Parisien.
The survey concludes that to bottle-up our emotions could lead to cardiac acceleration which increases the risks of hypertension or other health problems in the long run!
The method shared in the Book “I Quit Complaining” (over 300 000 copies sold) invites us to give ourselves the means to take care of our needs.
We are far from the idea of not expressing our frustrations which can lead to depression!
The I Quit Complaining Challenge invites us to express our emotions more appropriately.
It makes us take a real look at our complaints so we become aware of them. We seek to understand why we complain and to express our frustrations without complaining. We learn to ask others what we need with force and determination, yet without any aggression or drama.
Why, you may ask, without complaining? Because we found out that complaining, although it expresses our need, is not a good strategy to obtain what we want in the long run. If complaining worked, we would have no other reason to complain since all our needs would be met!
We then realize that we greatly increase our chances to be heard and our needs to be really taken into consideration!
TO QUIT COMPLAINING DOESN’T MEAN BOTTLING-UP OUR EMOTIONS
It really is an art to know how to express ourselves without complaining!
Life will bring us trials and difficulties. People will upset us and prevent us from doing what we’d like to do. We cannot accept everything. We cannot allow others to walk all over us and treat us like doormats. It’s important to be able to express what we don’t like and what doesn’t suit us. If we keep our feelings bottled in we risk exploding in what I call the ”pressure cooker” effect where our only outlet and alternative is to complain and vent out frustrations too often contained.
TO QUIT COMPLAINING IS A CHOICE AND A WAY OF LIFE
Serenity is a choice that we can make today, whatever our circumstances. We can choose to experience our frustrations differently and realize that complaining is a habit deeply anchored in us (just like smoking) which cannot disappear overnight. During 21 consecutive days, we learn to change our outlook on our daily life.
To quit complaining is, of course, choosing to see life in a positive light and it’s an important lesson… however, seeing “life through rose-colored glasses” is not enough. To quit complaining is really about putting an end to acting like a victim of everything and everyone. We stop pointing the finger at the guilty people in our life and we devote our resources and energy to become actors and co-creators of solutions.
4 TIPS TO EXPRESS OUR EMOTIONS AND GET WHAT WE WANT:
1. Identify the real need hidden under the emotion. For example: am I complaining because I asked my child several times to empty the dishwasher, or am I really complaining because I feel the whole housekeeping logistics is on my shoulders and this is not working for me?
2. Using the rights words and resist the tendency to exaggerate. Example: often when we complain we are so afraid that we won’t be heard that we exaggerate and amplify. We transform the problem in a drama, we say:” I asked you 100 times to do this or that” or “It’s always the same thing”, “It’s killing me!”
3. Expressing our frustration without making the other guilty. It is an art to establish our limits and make our demands without accusing the other. Example: instead of saying ” You never help me! “, I can say ” I feel like I am speaking in a vacuum and that everything lies on my shoulders and I don’t like it. I don’t want to be in this position. I need your help”. This takes more self-control, but I can guarantee that it’s much much more effective to obtain what we want and need.
4. Accepting that we cannot force others to do what we want when we want it. It is exhausting to try to coerce others to do certain things. It is much more effective to try and negotiate with them. Be aware that everyone must be in agreement and be wary of so-called agreements which are in fact disguised obligations. You need to remain firm on the fact that you need their cooperation so that your needs are met, but also remain open to your needs being met differently than originally planned.
It is not an easy process which why I often intervene and speak on this subject. I train people in companies and also have workshops in place to accompany those who want to follow this path for their business or their families.
What lessons have you learned with your I quit complaining challenge?
Love and Respect,
Be fully empowered to live the life you choose! Christine Lewicki is a Bestselling Author, Speaker & Certified Coach (PCC). Her passion is to help people get out of victim mode to activate their full potential and share their best self with the world. You can download your FREE “I Quit Complaining” Starter Kit here, visit her Instagram page and her Facebook page for inspirational articles and quotes to reveal your best self each day!