TO QUIT COMPLAINING DOESN’T MEAN BOTTLING-UP OUR EMOTIONS
It really is an art to know how to express ourselves without complaining!
Life will bring us trials and difficulties. People will upset us and prevent us from doing what we’d like to do. We cannot accept everything. We cannot allow others to walk all over us and treat us like doormats. It’s important to be able to express what we don’t like and what doesn’t suit us. If we keep our feelings bottled in we risk exploding in what I call the ”pressure cooker” effect where our only outlet and alternative is to complain and vent out frustrations too often contained.
TO QUIT COMPLAINING IS A CHOICE AND A WAY OF LIFE
Serenity is a choice that we can make today, whatever our circumstances. We can choose to experience our frustrations differently and realize that complaining is a habit deeply anchored in us (just like smoking) which cannot disappear overnight. During 21 consecutive days, we learn to change our outlook on our daily life.
To quit complaining is, of course, choosing to see life in a positive light and it’s an important lesson… however, seeing “life through rose-colored glasses” is not enough. To quit complaining is really about putting an end to acting like a victim of everything and everyone. We stop pointing the finger at the guilty people in our life and we devote our resources and energy to become actors and co-creators of solutions.
4 TIPS TO EXPRESS OUR EMOTIONS AND GET WHAT WE WANT:
1. Identifying the real need hidden under the emotion. For example: am I complaining because I asked my child several times to empty the dishwasher, or am I really complaining because I feel the whole housekeeping logistics is on my shoulders and this is not working for me?
2. Using the rights words and resist the tendency to exaggerate. Example: often when we complain we are so afraid that we won’t be heard that we exaggerate and amplify. We transform the problem in a drama, we say:” I asked you 100 times to do this or that” or “It’s always the same thing”, “It’s killing me!”
3. Expressing our frustration without making the other guilty. It is an art to establish our limits and make our demands without accusing the other. Example: instead of saying ” You never help me! “, I can say ” I feel like I am speaking in a vacuum and that everything lies on my shoulders and I don’t like it. I don’t want to be in this position. I need your help”. This takes more self-control, but I can guarantee that it’s much much more effective to obtain what we want and need.
4. Accepting that we cannot force others to do what we want when we want it. It is exhausting to try to coerce others to do certain things. It is much more effective to try and negotiate with them. Be aware that everyone must be in agreement and be wary of so-called agreements which are in fact disguised obligations. You need to remain firm on the fact that you need their cooperation so that your needs are met, but also remain open to your needs being met differently than originally planned.
It is not an easy process which why I often intervene and speak on this subject. I train people in companies and also have workshops in place to accompany those who want to follow this path for their business or their families.
Love and Respect,